Unsent Messages

I wish I could remember the day I fell in love with you but I just can't seem to do it. It's like we were always connected somehow, like the history of us went back way further than the time we started and ended. It's so strange how life happens. One day you're a boy who I know and I pass and I don't feel a thing and now I don't think I'll ever be able to look at you and not feel a thing. Sometimes I imagine what life would have been like if it just never happened. if that day, that moment, that exchange, whatever it was, if the universe had just let me not feel it and let it pass. Sometimes I wonder but then I realize I wouldn't wish for that ever. Because the lesson of you, of us, all the hurt and the fights and the mistakes, it just taught me what it meant to love someone. Not perfectly, not in the best way, but it taught me how it felt to look at someone and know that you always wanted them to be happy and that you always would feel like they made you better. You taught me how to love people and I wouldn't change that for anything. Next time I'll love better. If only I could have gotten it right the first time. I can't believe how much time has passed and so quickly. I'm so happy that you're happy now and i think I finally mean that. For awhile I was so angry with you but as time would have it, I can see it clearly now. We had to end whatever we were doing and we should never do that again because we're not right for each other. You deserve someone who gets it right the first time and I deserve a chance to start over somewhere else. She deserves you, Will. Because I think for a long time she was unhappy and a little lost and I think anyone who feels like that needs to be around someone like you. You are human sunshine. You should be around other people who feel like sunshine and don't take any of that away. I know, I know, you'll never see this and probably will never want to hear from me again. But I just wanted to put it into the universe that I'm happy for you. I hope you stay happy. And I forgive you. I didn't think I ever would, but I understand why you had to leave and I see that it was for the best. I think you two are good for each other and I hope that it lasts, for whatever it's worth.