Unsent Messages

there is literally not point in writing this because i know you will never see this, but if somehow you do, there is so much I need to tell you. I really want to hate you, but I don’t have room in my heart for any hatred towards you. I still find myself caring for you even though I am traumatized from our “relationship” and who you turned out to be. I promise I don’t like putting the blame on you but I don’t know how else to say it. sometimes i find myself still wanting to be friends with you but I know I can’t because there is so much tension and mixed up emotions that I don’t think ever will pass. other times, I wish I never talked to you after camp in the math class room in the first place. the place that started it all. I know you are hurting right now and need someone and I wish that person could be me but I can’t. I cannot put myself in that place again, it’s just too for me. I really am hoping you find someone who supports you & gives you the love you deserve. I’m speechless & I’m trying to heal from everything. I need to move on but on nights like this it’s so hard. I want to believe you have changed but as soon as I think of your face, everything comes back. I don’t want to be sad anymore & I think moving on from you will help me. I wish things were better for you & I wish I could find you a friend. gosh, I need to know what you’re thinking right now. I hate this.