I still remember all your favorite thing and your birthday, even if I wish I could forget. Is it stupid that all I can think abt rn is how much I want to see your face and laugh and smile like I want to be mad sm I tried to hold onto that feeling but I just fucking can't not even bc anger is a tiring or secondary emotion but bc when I do get mad it just goes away and I'm left feeling numb or crying. You were the first good thing in my life for such a long time and it hurts so much to have you still in my life but have to ignore how much you hurt me.