From: ABC
To: giselle
Date: January 6, 2021, 6:16 am
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to ignore you this is not at all the situation it was last year. You aren't the one being naive I am. The only reason I'm typing this on here is because we haven't talked in a while and as soon as I text you I have to open up the big conversation which I am not ready to do yet. But I do want to let you know that legit nothing happened. I'm really trying to figure out why the hell I can't communicate. Lots of things happened this year (a lot dealing with my mental health) that put me in a bad place. For me I guess it's just that I feel like you need me to talk to you 24/7 and I am just not that type of person. The pressure of knowing I needed to talk to you (because we know it has happened before) got to me and stressed me out. Like all things that stress me out I ignored it instead of dealing with it. It then got to the point where it had been so long that it became awkward, so I pushed it back more. Now it just sucks. I have no excuse and I just wanted to let you know I am sorry. You do not deserve to be treated as a friend the way I am treating you. I'm still not ready to talk yet, but I just needed you to know that I'm sorry and I love you. Hopefully I'll be ready to talk soon. And please don't text me saying that you saw this because I know you already did (and I'm not ready to respond). So please do not think that I don't want to be your friend because that is so far from how I actually feel. I'm sorry, and maybe I'll be ready to talk someday soon.
and I'm not trying to make excuses here, because there aren't any to be made. Frankly I don't understand myself sometimes. I'm also not trying to make this sound like "ahh my mental health is so bad I'm so sad I guess I'm a horrible friend" and like gaslight you that is not what I'm trying to do so if it comes across that way I don't mean it to. I just hope you understand that I don't have the answer either :(