Unsent Messages

You made me feel safe at a time everything else seemed to be spiraling. The few hugs and brushing of hands were electric. Your face and intellect and gentle mockery made a hellish situation bearable. All I wanted was to be alone with you, but I knew I had someone waiting at home for me. I'm glad I didn't cheat on him because I love him and you live 1600 miles away, but sometimes I wonder how it would have felt to have you touch me, to know you wanted me too. I found out that you're in a relationship today, and my heart felt a pang of regret. I'm happy for you, and the 1600 mile difference would likely have never worked anyways. I think you were the right person at the wrong time, at an inconvenient place. So perhaps a small part of my heart will always belong to you, will always hunger for another second spent laughing and walking around in the dark with you, puppy love in our eyes. Perhaps someday we'll find our way back to each other. Or maybe it simply wasn't meant to be. I need to let go of my feelings for you so I can move forward with my life and my relationship, but I have a feeling they will always be there, incrementally. I don't want to say goodbye to you because what we had was special, but I think that it's what needs to be done, for now. Goodbye, Jan. I hope you are happy where you are and where you will end up.