Unsent Messages

There’s so much that I want to but will probs never have the ability to nor would you want me to I don’t think. Kicking you out of my life was the worst decision I ever made (and I don’t make a lot of them). You loved me more than majority of the people in my life did. You dedicated almost every hour of the day to me. You left your friends many times to just be with me. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever find someone who loved me as much as you did. I was also crazy about you but it was mutual like we only ever wanted to spend time together. At first after the breakup people told us it was toxic, but funny how they didn’t say anything during the relationship. I look back on it realizing we weren’t toxic. We were in love. But it wasn’t our time, the fact that I let you go for silly reasons or didn’t realize how much you loved me tells me I wasn’t ready for us. I needed to grow still. I needed to go into another relationship to see if anyone could love me that much and honestly they can’t. I still miss you to this day and it sucks. I hated you for about two months after we broke up but after that I started praying every night that you were happy and would find love again one day and no doubt you will. There’s so much to love about you and you give so much dedication to everything you do. I wish things could have gone differently for us because you truthfully are someone I miss and think about frequently. I should have never given in to someone manipulating me telling me you weren’t good enough for me, turns out that guy liked me and that’s why he did it. But I shouldn’t of been so stupid as to listened to it in the first place. You were my best friend, the person who made me laugh, the person who only ever wanted me to succeed and support me. When I thought I couldn’t do something you were stuck by my side until I did it. You pushed me to be better. Maybe the time apart was for a reason, maybe we will never get back together or maybe we will. But I needed the time after our breakup, I grew into a new version of myself, heck I am probs the most confident good looking person I’ll ever be. I have become so focused on me and I needed it, I’m so beyond successful now and figuring what I really want in life. And yeah, I may have all of that now but part of me still wants you in my life. I know you’re probs better off without me, but I’ve grown since then, I learned more about relationships. I needed time to grow and find myself and the breakup helped with that. Everyone told me what you were up to after. I hated myself for letting that happen to you, I wanted to be there for you but everyone told me I’d just make it worse. So I prayed you were happy every week, and I’m not that religious. For someone to have a connection like that in their life doesn’t come around a lot, or at least for me, but you made part of my life so special, every memory, every little bicker, laugh, smile, and time we spent was so memorable in my head as if I could make a movie out of it. And when I look back on it I smile. I smile which isn’t normal after a breakup. I smiled because you helped me realize many things, without you I would have been lost, I would have never realized what I needed to grow, or how to improve myself. I hope you miss me sometimes, but I also hope that you continue to make the most of your life, and that you continue to love others and use that brain of yours to make a difference. You are so beyond special and I hope you realize that, I wasn’t good enough for you then looking back on who I was, maybe I am now but by now it might be too late.