god i’m so in love with you and i know i can’t be. you make me feel like shit all the time. i hate myself for loving you. but i still light up when i see you smile, and i still feel butterflies in my stomach when you laugh, and i still fantasize about us cuddling and holding hands and going on dates and doing all the things couples do. it hurts. so. much. to hear you talk about her. it hurts how you smile and laugh when you remember good times with her but mostly it hurts because it’s not me. i hate her. so fucking much, and sometimes i wish i hated you. i wish i could push you away and scream at you and tell you how in love with you i am but i can’t. and one day i have to fucking accept that. i’m sorry.