Unsent Messages

I don't even know where to start. I knew you from the beginning and always thought id finish the end with you. I know were young and stupid but we were special. we saw it and so did everybody else. we both put our all into each other and yea we still messed up but I was never worried because I knew I had you, I at least thought I did. we had to take a break and I still knew in my heart I had you with me because I knew you knew you still had me too. we tried again but this time it wasn't you I was trying with. He had the same name as you, same hair, same body and the same smile but not the same heart and head. the Shane I fell in love with was always trying to make sure I was ok, make sure nothing was on my mind and I was happy and nothing was bothering me. and if something was bothering me he'd do whatever he needed to do to fix it. The Shane I met this time was hurt I could tell. but not even the girl that he loved and hurt him could put him back together. This Shane got his heart broken and got a new life for what I think he convinces himself is for the better but I know it's not. This Shane stopped caring about the one person he loved and I got hurt. He became friends with the boys I was so happy he was nothing like when it came to the way they treated people or girls. He got closer with the people who stab others in the back and who's only concern revolve around popularity. That's not Shane but that's what I've watched him turn into. Those are the types of people that have an influence on him and that he calls friends. And for his sake I'm scared and it breaks my heart watching this stranger hide away the sweet kid I fell in love with and the sweet kid who I know is still in there. People change when they want to change. People change when they care. I want back the Shane I fell in love with but I have no idea how to bring him back. I tried and did all I could but it wasn't good enough for the mask you had on for the new person you've become. In the end I was hurt but I was still there. I was still texting you trying to help you out with your busy schedule while I have my own problems at home that you know about. but you haven't even asked me how I am or how things are and it just hurts even more because then I remember you don't care anymore and thats not the type of person I want in my life. I never thought you would be the boy I cry to my dad about, you never were before. I never thought you'd be the boy I had to hide from my sisters since your name was still in my phone. I never thought that you would be the boy who made me feel used for my body. I never thought you would be the boy who made me ask my self if I was good enough. I never thought you'd be the boy that broke me. you were the reason I believed in love and now I don't know what t think. you told me you'd never leave like everyone else, an now you're just like everyone else. I'm worried about you because I still love you and I pray and hope that you get your shit together and remember who the hell you are, because I tried to help you but you didn't budge. I'm always gonna love the Shaner I knew, but the Shane I know now hurt me in ways I didn't even see coming. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you miss me like I miss you and I hope you get your act together, because you've turned into a monster and the small amount of good that I still see in you is starting to disappear and this not how I want to remember you. I know you can do it I know you can Shane.