Unsent Messages

From Joanna






I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but if it ends maybe it’s for a valid reason, because I honestly do feel pity for myself, in a way I feel lousy and emotionally nothing other than that, I can’t apologize for walking out of your life again, but I affect you either way, whether I’m their or not. I want to tell you that the past few days I’ve tried my hardest to contact you but you look the least interested as much as I seem as well but what is there to do? Maybe I’m being salty for once a bit more solitude to my word, cold. Something I’m once again, either way does it matter at the end?
I’d like to call you a liar, a douchebag, but does words don’t mix quite well neither do they match you as you think they do, but I bet you want me to say that since you view yourself as that, I kinda thought you would’ve stopped chasing for someone who would rather not make a scene because there imperfections will show, but here we are, you friended me at least on there but you ended up blocking me, that was you giving up which I honestly don’t mind anymore because hell I think I gave up on myself a long time ago, Love song for lady earth, I guess two close people always part ways in the most horrible ways, you’ll probably check on here if you want to hear something from me because “the thought of you still lingers me” but who knows you’re probably not, either way that’s your choice whether or not you want to look, write etcc.. or do non of this. I thought you telling me “Love you” would make me feel something and it did but it was definitely something I didn’t want to hear right now, but what could I do? I said it back and quickly hurried away to some bullshit message, either way I guess your girlfriend would benefit from this, since she doesn’t want us in contact either way, she seems lovely although I don’t really know her, you keep her the way you told me you wanted to keep me, and you tell her how much you love her even if you don’t mean it, even if you can’t say it anymore, even if someone else is in your mind, you tell her how much she means to you so she can at least wake up with the thought of living every day, or the thought of being loved
It’s getting late and later on maybe this will never mean anything to you but for the sake of god this will always mean something to me.