Unsent Messages

sometimes i feel like youre in love with me and want to spend your life with me and then sometimes i feel like i mean nothing to you. absolutely nothing, it hurts so much. do you love me? do you hate me? i wish i fucking knew. you say your in love with me but only act like it when you want to. and the thing is, i wish i could get you back i really really do. i wish i could put you in all the pain youve ever put me through. but i cant. seeing you sad makes me sadder. and knowing i would be the one that caused it would hurt me more than it would hurt you. when i look in your eyes i dont see some dumb middle schooler who smokes weed and skates all day. i see who i truly thought was my soulmate. and i know this is fucking stupid so fucking stupid. and dramatic and overexageratted. i know im young and thats why its even more shocking. i never even thought i would have feelings like these. i didnt think my peanut size brain was capable of loving someone this much. i have a love-hate relashionship. everyone thinks we are all cutesy and perfect together. shit, you might even think were perfect together. but oh man if you knew how i felt inside. ik you get busy i know you care i know you "love me" but something in my pea size brain tells me you dont mean it. something tells me youve done this before all your girls before you. they are still fucking in love with you. u got them attached to you then moved on. am i next? you said youve never felt this way about someone but you said that to her too. you told her you were in love with her, but you said that to her too. i hate you for making me love this young. i hate you for making me hate myself thing young. i hate you for ruining so many things for me. the way you kissed my forehead, asked to get promise rings, random i love you's, reminded me to eat, made me a playlist, liked my i love you every night, used "