Unsent Messages

fuck you. idk, i know i’m going to regret writing this but these are just things i really need to say to you but i would never be able to say it to your face because i still can’t bring myself to hurt you intentionally even after all the pain you’ve caused me. fuck you, buddy. fuck you for making me so happy and then ripping it all away. fuck you for making me care and then telling me not to. fuck you for making me cry so much. i don’t want you out of my life. i really don’t. i know i said i do because it feels like the right thing to do, to let go of you. idk, i guess you just don’t feel the same way but you do you buddy, there’s nothing i can do to keep you somewhere you don’t want to be. you promised me you wouldn’t leave. you pinky promised. you said you’d stay. but you just chose to walk out of my life and there’s nothing i could do to change your mind. you made me feel so inadequate and so useless, and i know it’s unintentional or whatever (is it? i can’t tell at this point) but you still made me feel that way. you promised you wouldn’t, ria. you promised. you were the one person i thought i could count on to make me feel like i had some value. to someone. i don’t now i guess. idk man, fuck you. sometimes i wish i’d just never gotten into this relationship. yeah, that’d mean no good memories. but it’d mean none of this bullshit either. anyway, fuck you. you know what’s so weird? i don’t miss you romantically. at all. there are three people i could call right now who’d fuck me senseless if i asked. there are people who’ve admitted to liking me after finding out we broke up. but it’s just not the romantic stuff we did that i miss. that’s a give or take, doesn’t matter. i just miss your company. but no, you know what? fuck you. i’m not crying anymore. this was weirdly therapeutic. wow. should i post this? idk. i probably will. i know i’ll regret it but eh, fuck it. maybe some other sad bitch who reads the unsent project archives when she’s sad like me can read this and cry about her own relationship. you’re just one person. one fucking person. i don’t need you. i can do this. but fuck you. you caused me so much fucking pain. you broke all the promises you made me. you made me feel exactly how you know i feel all the time and how i don’t want to feel. you left. so fuck you. fuck you for making me care and love you and then ripping it away from me. i hope you have a great life but you were definitely toxic for me (as i’m sure i was for you) and i think eventually, i’ll realize i’m glad to have you out of my life. and hey, maybe i might just call someone up if i need to :)