Unsent Messages

you arent my first romantical love but i love you so much, im so sorry for everything, im sorry for not being enough, im sorry for being a pain, im sorry for being selfish, this is all my fault but i cant seem to fix it, i cant explain in how much pain i am in, i see you picture and immediately remember the sweet, loving caring girl that reached out to me to play sardines, i remember facetiming every day, and even making secret nicknames for eachother, i remember biking to dollar general and buying ice cream, and we ate it at subway, i remember when we snuck out and thought we were the coolest people ever, i remember crying together, i remember all the embarrassing photoshoots we took, i remember when my mom fed you mac and cheese, i remember moving into a different house with you, i remember biking like there was nothing else in the world, i remember the birthday spams and tellling eachother our biggest secret, you were the first person to know that i was confused about my sexuality, u were the first person to know about my parents, you knew about my thoughts, and all my crushes. all i want to say is that im sorry, and that i love you more than life itself, ever since you left i havent been the same, driving by your house doesnt feel the same, or the subway we always stopped by, i sometimes forget and have the urge to ask you to hang out or have a sleepover, but than it hits me, it hurts, i may say im ok but im not, i would do anything to go back to those day, the days of the sleepover, or the days of the bike rides, or the deep convos, or the many roblox games we played, the birthday cards and many pictures, the dudes we talked about and thought were cute. you knew my biggest secrets and i am beyond grateful for you. i cant believe its over so soon, i miss you a lot pookie i really do. im so so sorry for not being enough, i wish u can forgive me. ily brookie pookie.