Unsent Messages

this friendship is so bad for me. i know it. but when u come back it’s like everything around me stops and it’s good for just that moment. i told others how i wish we got to share at least one real moment together before it all ended. and now, because of that, every second of u that i get i treat it as the last. i remember to not only just hug u once, but twice, to always send the last text, to check up when you are sad, because for a while i didn’t get the chance to. But on the other hand, i overthink, and i’m consumed by you all over again. for a while i was ok, and compared to the horrible emotional state i was in once before, i look at myself as still being “ok”. but i know i’m getting bad again, the loss in appetite is coming back, the anxiety, the snapping in and out of emotions, but above all i havent cried for u. because i see u happy. and maybe it’s not with me, but that’s what keeps me going. i’ve accepted reality, and that u may never tell me how u really feel, and that life goes on with or without me.