Unsent Messages

matthew. my first love. i love you so much and i’ve stayed loving you for years. god, what have you done to me? never would i have thought i would’ve fallen for a stupid boy. but you’re so different. oh how i miss you. i know you’re probably happy right now, and that is all i want for you. i want you to be the happiest you can, whether it’s with me or not, frankly it doesn’t matter. yes, i miss you so much, i wish i could just see your beautiful brown eyes light up as you looked at me, but that won’t ever happen, and it’s okay. i wish i could see your beautiful smile, as i have forgotten what it looks like already. i wish i could see your beautiful hair as i run my fingers through it while you lay on my lap and we talk for hours. i wish i could see you. your beautiful self. if i could have you- oh if i could have you. i’d treat you as if you were my everything, because you are. i love you so, matthew. so so much. and i know i will never stop loving you. but i hope the pain stops one day, from knowing that you don’t feel the same, but it isn’t your fault- for it is mine, since i am the one who fell so deeply in love with you. i wish you the best matthew. i love you