Unsent Messages

I’ve lost you and don’t know how exactly how to get back. Like I’m really trying but it’s just not working. So much stuff has happened that I don’t know who to turn too. There is so much stuff that I want to tell to my friends and I know they would take it a good way but I don’t know if I want to admit to myself that. When I was younger I had a crush on my girl best friend and thought it was “normal” and didn’t think about it. I got over it and didn’t think much but I’ve liked guys since. Now for the last couple of years I’ve been trying to find myself in so many ways. I see myself liking women more there are so many beautiful powerful women out there and I look up to them but some others I just have a crush on I guess but I still like guys a lot. I’ve never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend but idk what would happen. I don’t see myself w a girlfriend in the future but I just don’t know what these means. I don’t want to tell my friends bc i don’t even know what to tell myself.