Unsent Messages

kai, i want you to know that no one in this world will ever love you the way i do. you’re my everything, my world, and i wish we could be together more than anything. i’ll forever put you above everyone else on this planet because you showed me what real love is like. i’ve had crushes before, i’ve thought guys were cute, but i’ve never felt more in love with anyone before i met you. it’s a type of love that’s not just romantic. i’m not just in it for the hook ups or sexual encounters. you’re also my best friend who i feel i can be my complete and true self around. something that i find so hard to do. i don’t think i’ll ever lose feelings for you. no matter how much time passes or how many people we get with in the process, i can’t see myself ever falling out of love with you. the past 4 months have truly been the best months of my life. it makes me so sad to think about the last time we kissed a week ago. i had no idea it was going to be the last one forever. if i would have known it was going to be the last time i would ever be standing at your feet while expressing my love, i would have kissed u for a little longer, hugged u a little tighter, and reminded you of how much you will forever mean to me. i wish i could do all those things now but unfortunately it’s not my place anymore. you provided me so much happiness. you were the sole reason i was able to get up every morning with a smile. the sole reason i could get through the week. because i knew at the end of each long and stressful day that i could fall asleep in your arms. i wish i could go back and relive those moments one more time. just one more time. feel those feelings and feel that love even if it’s just for a second. i hope that some nights you also reflect on those moments that we shared together. the moments of lying in my bed with my red lights on, fresh lotion on my legs, a hoodie and small shorts, my laptop propped up to the side with a movie that was never finished, suddenly gives me the worst pain imaginable. because there’s one thing missing from this once perfect situation. it’s you. i feel lost without you and i wish more than anything that i could spend the rest of my life with you. regardless if you can even say the same anymore, i love you. in another life i know for a fact that we end up together, so in this one i guess i’ll just miss you. a part of me wants to believe there’s still hope for us. a part of me wants to believe that this isn’t the end. if it’s true love it will come back to me. it will come back to us and ensure me that i wasn’t dumb for holding on. i’ll always be here if you want to try again, because even though you’ve hurt my heart by ending things, i will never forget that you’re the reason it’s still beating today. i love you kai. my love. my bae. my baby. my best friend. my soulmate. please don’t forget me.