Unsent Messages

For a while you made me happy I loved you with everything I had in me we’d create stories together we’d bond over the trauma caused by our moms we grew up together you were the person I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with but after you left me and instantly replaced me with someone else it’s like I lost my worth to you from that day froward like all I ever was to you was what I could give you and that was momentary happiness. When you got an upgrade it’s like our relationship meant nothing to you. You treated me like expired waste. You hardly ever bothered to speak to me. You’d only come back when you needed emotional reinforcement. and even now in 2020 it’s just the same thing except sugar coated
You say you’re sorry you say you wish you would’ve been better you say you want to be better but nothing ever changes nothing ever gets better and no matter what my stupid self always stayed for you.I never let go because I loved you because I really believed in you because I thought that deep down you were still that sweet compassionate person. That you would be better. That we could work through it together. But just recently after confronting you, you just ran away..you hid. And I see you seem happier not caring not bothering to explain. It hurts because it shows how little I’m really worth to you. That I’m just easily discarded of and forgotten only picked up when I can be of some type of use. You used me Maggie. You still do you’re just nicer about it now. You’ve hurt me more than anyone ever has. You genuinely make me feel completely worthless. You and mom and Sam just reinforce the idea that I’m not worth anything. It makes me not wanna be here it makes me think I’d be better off with my dad. And I could never bring myself to stop loving you but..honestly fuck you. Fuck you for lying to me and making me think that you loved me but you never bother to show it you never bother to make even one god damn sacrifice when I gave everything I had in me to you. You’re hardly there for me considering I’ve always made the time and effort to be there for you. And hell I even doubt myself sometimes...and to clarify this isn’t about Edwen I’m not bitter over the breakup I’m bitter over the treatment that came afterwards. The way you’ve told me that we should just run away together, that you felt like you were just settling for him the way you got with me after the breakup and left me a week later. I know you were coming from a place of hurt but you have no idea how those things affected me. It’s like you’d come back when he left but went straight back to him as soon as you guys made up. You treated me like an emotional toy you know how I’ve felt about you for a long ass time Maggie and you never even stopped to consider how I’d be affected afterwards. And that’s the issue I had with that note it felt like another attempt at that. And I’m tired I’m tired of never being taken into consideration I’m tired of being used I’m tired of crying myself to sleep and taking medication to numb the pain. I’m tired of caring so much and putting so much effort into this relationship while you put practically nothing in. I feel so stupid and used.