Unsent Messages

Dear....
I have been meaning to talk to you, text you, and even call you. But it seems to me that when I do, I can tell you are no longer interested in the conversations and that is okay. But I have decided to write a letter to you without going into too much detail and it will be the last time you hear from me, I promise.
Our relationship did not start off with me thinking that I wanted to be your friend or anything more, instead it was just two very different people at the same place. But our soon to be “friendship” made me think that you were someone I could love, TRUST, and talk to for forever.
I could recall moments when people were telling me that you were the “shy type” or a “bitch” or that you were a “bully”. I thought it was funny because you were everything but those things to me. You made time out of your day to say hello, to make random conversation, and you would often remember the strangest things that I would say. You are most definitely not the type of person to just walk up to someone and ask how they are especially if you do not care, so when you were doing that to me, you intrigued me.
Of course, I was being stupid and I made a “mistake”. But that mistake made me realize so many things which I did not understand at the time so I did not bring it up for a while. I realized that I could possibly maybe like you (but my mind was nowhere near dating). But yes, I was thinking about you and to be honest I didn't want to because you are not my type just as much as I am not your type.
But before I could even say anything to you or before I could even figure out how to explain what I thought I was feeling, my words were twisted and taken away from me. I was quite embarrassed and I never admitted to that before but I really was. Not embarrassed that I liked you but because I didn't have the chance to let you hear it from me first and I am that person, I say what I feel (good or “bad”). But I made another mistake. I took it all back like it didn't mean anything.
I made myself distant because just looking at you made my day better and I was always waiting for you to say something that would make me smile or “laugh”. So I did the exact opposite. I wouldn't even look at you and most days I would ignore you.
BUT YOU TOOK EVERYTHING BACK and I still honestly think it was the fact that I was not given you any attention or maybe it was because you felt bad for me. Whatever the reason was, I just thought you were a liar. AND I trusted you and that trust was gone after what I heard. I NEVER wanted an apology or a revision of your words or how you said something you never meant because that is just a lie. I don't know why you didn't accept that it was all over but you just had to bring it back up.
We continued to talk but not normally, I would respond rudely or in short sentences but it wasn't to offend you. It was more for me, so I could just “move” on. But you kept insisting that something was wrong and so I really believed something was wrong. I confided in you. I told you everything. But every time I told you something, I ended up getting hurt.
You made this so hard for me because you kept coming back and you acted like you cared about me. I tried to give you space but it did not seem like it was enough. So I gave myself the option to act as if I could “start over” or “remove” you from being someone I could call a friend. So I decided to start over, and that did not work because I just fell for you again.
Everything always started off good but I just kept going around and around, I would land right where I started. I admitted too many things to you as time went on (which I probably shouldn't have bc I probably was not sober), because you were always so comforting to talk to because you made me believe that I could say anything to you. I was wrong. I am always wrong. I have the worst judgement when it comes to people because I simply love and I try to give everyone a chance. But trust is so important to me because once that is screwed over, I will no longer call you a friend.
I know you would never do anything intentionally to upset or hurt me, but you did. Most of it is my fault, but I can only take so much of the blame.