Unsent Messages

I just don't know if I have it in my heart to love another person the way I loved you. You wasted all of my energy for love when you were using yours for another person all along. I did everything I could to pretend like I didn't notice or that you didn't love her still. That you weren't obsessed with her. That you didn't talk about her every chance you got, cried over her, the way you looked at her. The way you felt when she was with a different guy. I tried to push it away only for it to get to the point where you admitted you still loved her. You admitted you were seeing her behind my back the entire time. You admitted you used me. You used all I had and left. And I don't have anything left. It's all gone. Are you happy now? You destroyed me from the inside. I don't think that I'll ever be the same. The late nights talking about living together one day, the I love you's. The kisses. The long facetime calls. The non stop hanging out. I told you everything. You were the first person I called when my dad died. I was always there when you needed to talk. You pushed me away. Talked about other girls. You constantly lied. And for what? And somehow after all of that I still can't let go. It's been eight months and I haven't dated anyone else. I haven't trusted anyone. I'm always second guessing myself. I can never look at love the same way again. I just don't understand why you decided to tear me apart like that. I was innocent, I was genuinely happy, I was young and naive. You ruined that. I'm a completely different person now because of you. But anyways, I hope you're with her now. I hope you got what you wanted. If I don't get happiness now you better or it would have all been a waste. I hate that I wasted my first love on you. My first I love you, my time, you knew all my friends and family, you knew everything about me. You took my virginity. You were my everything and yet I wasn't anything to you but a young girl who didn't know any better. If you were really as hurt as you said you were you would have tried to protect me from how you felt. But instead you led me straight to it. We fought almost everyday. I cried more when you were in my life than ever before. And even after you said all those terrible things about me and admitted you never loved me I still went back. I still think about you. I still think about the time we spent together and the way you made me feel. The good and the bad. Now you're probably out with another girl or with her... And i'm still here crying over someone who never loved me.