Unsent Messages

I’m writing another. god I feel pathetic. The fact that I’m pouring my heart out and your not even thinking about me. I know that’s what I wanted, atleast that’s what I said back then. It was so easy to say but when it happened. When it happens it hurt. So fucking bad. Even now it hurts. I think about you all the time. Stupid things like how you’d like this piano piece or how it felt for you to pet my hair and hold my hand. I never really understood you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. But now I know. I’m gonna stop writing messages now. I would say I have nothing else to say but that’s a lie. There’s so many more things I want to say to you. Feelings and thoughts I cant put into words. But that’s why we always were drawn together like yin and yang. I could read those thoughts and you could read mine. Always. You weren’t my other half Andrew. I needed you more than I need that. You were something indescribable. Infinite and warm. Something even though it hurts even though it’s hurts so freaking bad. I wouldn’t change for the world. You never forget your first love or atleast I know I’ll never forget mine. You made this little coward feel bold and strong. Beautiful when she felt ugly and brave when she felt nothing but. I can thank you for one thing though. Thank you for always loving me. Even when I didn’t deserve it. Especially when I didn’t deserve it. I always said I wish you’d found some other girl and not me so you could be happy with her. I knew we’d never get a happily ever after but maybe... maybe I’ll get my happily ever after. And so will you. I love you Andrew. God I still love you. I think some tiny part of me always will. You’ve taught me so much. Goodbye Andrew. I had fun.