Unsent Messages

i hate you, so much. i hate you for making me cry(im literally in tears now. lol). every fucken day i think about you, you, us ,maybes and what ifs. i think back to the times you'd give me back hugs and smile and laugh and hold my hand with tenderness yet you kept me as a friend. i told you i liked you and you said "i noticed" meaning you KNEWWW how i felt when you looked at me. Yet you chose to play with my feelings. that's messed up mate, especially if you considered me as a friend. when you would hug only me in a room full of people. i hated that you'd flirt with me and disguise it under "im just naturally flirtatious" lying bitch. i hate that got into a relationship with her and still had the audacity to come to me asking for advice and passively tell me that your attraction towards me played a role in your fights. i hate that you would hold me as though we were together. WE WERE NOT TOGETHER. i hate that i asked for space and all that did was hurt me probably more than it did you. i hate that we kissed, drunk and all, but we never spoke of it. To think of it we never spoke about anything at all. i hated our practices, both afterparties, skittles and wine. how I waited for you for 2.5 years now. i hate how i still want you in my life as a friend. i hate that i love you so much. so so much and I've gone back and forth trying not to. from hatred, distance, acceptance, heck i even told someone i liked them to get over you. im past the point of needing my feelings reciprocated, i just want them gone. I want them coverted to platonic at least. Yes i am thankful for the lessons but im also really really hurt. You've hurt me so much. I hope you stumble upon this accidentally, read it and be hit with realisation. Idk. high fidelity was a good series btw. And fuck you sincerely.