Unsent Messages

i know you don't know about this website and i'm glad you don't because if you knew who i was and immediately recognized my writing i'd feel so indescribable, i know you don't feel the same way i do but i couldn't help it. after being in a toxic relationship and being cheated on constantly over and over again and being told i was crazy even though you were friends with him you told him in front of me that you told me you cared about me and would put me first when i had my daily mental breakdown from all the depression, and that you would always be there for me, i could tell you anything i wanted to because i knew you wouldn't judge me but just see my feelings first and make me smile even when nobody else could something about you made me smile, even thinking about your words it made me feel ways i've never felt before. after being hurt by every guy i told you that i would kill myself and that i wouldn't ever possibly find someone that would love me and even though you were just my friend you were there to call me baby and say i love you and saying you care about me being okay and would not just double check if i were okay but made me promise because he knew i could never lie to his dumbass and if i weren't you'd go out of your way just to stay up till four am just talking to me even when we were both so tired until whatever time either of us felt better at without worrying about missing school because we always picked each other first. im sorry i had to ruin stuff with us because if we were actually a thing i would never let you go and i do hope you find someone that you feel the same way with that will do that with you. i loved our laughs and how we'd always joke around, i loved how you loved me and how i found you an actual decent guy. the little things you did asking me if im okay, telling me to stop crying on my worst days, being able to tell you i miss you, your lisp, the way you said i love you, the jokes, the promises, thats what made me fall in love with you and ill never forget the dark place you pulled me out of. you were my forever and my person. my lover and my best friend. something not a lot of people can find and even if you don't love me back i will always love you and im sorry, im sorry i picked up the wrong message from us and ruined it all. i love you. forever x.