Unsent Messages

if the truth is real, and a lie is fake, then what were we? at times i find myself thinking about that and reminiscing on all the time we actually did spend together. even though it felt like i had loved you forever, the reality is that my love for you had only lasted a second. the only second i really gave my time and attention to. even though we didn't work out and we're no longer talking, the sound of your voice and the pitch of your laugh is trapped inside of my head. i'm hear but i know i wont go back. tempted to talk to you and even more tempted to delete every track of you that i may have. my sunshine. the life we had planned and the dreams that we had hoped to achieve together. even though i was never able to physically show you my love, i feel as if you were someone that really should've gotten that. or at least i thought so. you ruined my sight on love, you ruined the holidays, but most importantly you ruined me. i no longer look at myself the same, and the worst thing is that i know you knew i was sad. you knew i was sad but you still left. that second of my time was not wasted, i don't regret loving you but if i could've done it better to make you stay, i would in a heartbeat. stay safe and i hope everything works out for you. i hope you and your family all continue to stay safe and i hope everything you have ever wanted works out. i'm stepping back. removing myself. i never wanted to hurt you or put you through a tough time, i know i'm a difficult person and that things aren't easy with me but i wanted you to stay. even though i was very sick, i know that the healthiest part of me loved you. regardless of where i was, what i was feeling, anything at all, i was mesmerized by you. you always told me i never had to worry about you leaving and then when i least expected it, it happened. i don't blame you. i just wished you would've helped. but times change and people grow, maybe this is the door to my growth, maybe you were one of my 'challenges' and this is just that pain after its done and over. new times and new lives. thank you for everything.