From: ABC
To: Ramin
Date: October 9, 2020, 3:20 pm
I don’t really know how to feel. I don’t know what to feel. It hurts, it really shouldn’t but it hurts knowing you’re with someone else. Knowing that you chose her. I try to look for you at school but you’re always somewhere else with her. You can’t talk to me, not unless she’s not there. I miss what we had, why did you have to ruin that? Part of me wants you to be better, to at least choose properly, because deep down I know, I know that you feel something for me too. Otherwise you wouldn’t have came back, flirt with me, text me everyday, snap me constantly. But part of me is ready to let you go, even though I wanted you and missed you so much everyday you were gone, I knew I started to find peace without you and I know that I can do it again if I really tried. I think the only thing stopping me is that I just don’t want to start over again with someone new, all the effort and love and pain that goes in it. If I have to start over and over again for the same exact outcome, why should I even bother? I even thought you were the one, I thought you were different because of how perfect you treated me but of course, you turned out just like the rest. I believe that everything happens for a reason. They all say that I need to move on, how you don’t deserve me, how you really fucked up. But how do I do that? I don’t deserve you and you don’t deserve me either, why is it so complicated? Don’t get me wrong, I love you so much, even after everything that happened I know that I loved you with my whole heart and that I literally would’ve died for you and that type of love doesn’t just go away. I have attachment issues when it comes to you but commitment issues when it comes to anyone else. At least one of us meant it when they said they’ll love you forever and that you mean the world to them. It’s also confusing that the one person that makes me feel this much pain and hurt is also the only person that could comfort me and make me feel better. Like how does that work? I also feel like im just your pity friend and im sorry but I would much rather be nothing to you at all rather than being that.