"i know we'd be much happier together"
you left? if you know that, why would you leave me when I needed you most? my life went completely upside down and the only person I wanted to talk to was you and you wouldn't even answer a question about my math homework. i said i would've fallen for you in the airport but the fact of the matter was is that i already did by the time you told me it wouldn't work. i cried for almost two months straight. you saw me struggling with life, with heartbreak, with feeling absolutely alone, and you never once asked if i was okay. every part of me wants you to just text me and say you miss me. i want you so badly to say you messed up, that you shouldn't have left, and that you wanna make it work. but i know you'd leave again. i know id fuck things up again. id be too scared that you'd leave and id push you away. id ask a million times a day if you still cared about me and id remind you that if you wanna leave, you can. because if I'm prepared for it, unlike last time, it wont hurt as bad. i miss you. there are some nights where ill just look at our old texts and cry because i was stupid enough to care about someone i had never met before that fast. I know you've moved on. I've seen it. When I saw the picture of you and her, my stomach dropped and I felt like time had stopped. I wish you weren't so hard to get over. I wish you didn't leave my heart in such agony, such distress. Yet here I am, three months later, still trying to feel the way i felt with you, with someone else. It hasn't worked yet, in case you were wondering. i wish i could turn time backward. i wish i would've just bought a plane ticket before you ended things. I wish i didn't catch covid. I wish i wasn't so far away. I wish you would've given me a chance because every day since then I've wondered why I wasn't worth it because I would've spent every paycheck I had on coming to see you. its stupid and cliche and little by little, i am getting over it. maybe i was too damaged for you, but i hope i meet someone who will take the risk and decide that maybe, just maybe, I'm worth the flight.