Unsent Messages

i truly don’t know what to do anymore. i’ve thrown myself around and around, torturing myself with blame and shame about what i did. i’m driving myself into a hole wondering why you can’t forgive me after everything, after the last few months, after every moment together. my feelings feel completely unrequited and honestly, i don’t think i could ever be around you again. and that hurts because i want to be around you as much as my body forces me to breathe. so i don’t know how to fix things and how i’ll ever be able to completely open up to you again because it’s been thrown back in my face one too many times. and the worst part is: i finally started to believe that i wasn’t crazy and i was worthy of having someone care about me enough to listen to me. and you’re a stranger to me now, a stranger who knows everything there is to know about me, a stranger that i have shown every single vulnerable bit of myself to, and someone i trusted so completely and genuinely. it feels like it’s gone. it feels like it’s never going to heal. and i have so much love for you. more than anyone i have met and i’m sure anyone i will meet for a very long time. i welcome the day i can finally delete the notes page where i have kept a diary of our moments and the little messages you have sent me, the day i don’t go through our messages to feel happy again, the day i don’t check if you’ve seen my story. and most of all, the day someone will mention your name and i won’t tear up. the day i wont see if you have opened my messages or not. the day that i don’t have the impulse to message you again. i feel you wanting to move on. maybe it’s time i let you.