Unsent Messages

i wish i could take back all the time i wasted on you, but was it wasted if i was having so much fun? i wish we’d never met, but without you i’d never know most of the people i love. i hate you, but thank you for everything you gave me. i never thought i’d be excited for us to be apart. But i can’t wait until we’re at different colleges in different counties in september. we’ll probably never speak again. maybe that’ll be weird, maybe it won’t. after spending almost all day every day with you for three years, it’ll probably hurt more than i’m expecting. that’s okay. i’ll miss you, but i won’t want to be your friend again. i wish things had ended better. but that’s on you, lo. i hope you learn from everything, and i hope you find real happiness. because i’m trying to. maybe one day in twenty years we’ll run into each other and just remember us as old best friends from school, and won’t remember everything that happened since june. that would be nice; to see your face without being scared, hurt, or angry. i wish seeing you would put a smile on my face again. or we could go back to the days when i didn’t wanna go into school because i didn’t feel safe without you there, because you were like my anchor. whatever. this was long. i clearly still care about you. but i really don’t want to see you. treat them better than you treated us.