Unsent Messages

it all started a few years ago but still until a few weeks ago i couldnt get u out of my head. i tried and tried and tried, nothing ever worked. sixth grade i liked u and u like me, for whatever reason idk. my sis brought us together and i still to this day regret telling her. then we dated. we broke up, it was shit anyway. then it came back. not my love for us but my love for u. everything about u made me forget the bad things. but u never cared, u never cared anymore, seventh grade. eight grade. on. i liked u. off. on. i liked u again. off. on i liked u Again. u got a girlfriend. off. hurt like a bitch. on. i liked u. u got a girlfriend. and another one. off. i liked someone else for once but only to forget u. didnt work. still thought of u. in the time u found a new girlfriend. again. but this one is fr. i dont like u anymore but i still value u. i will always always always care for u. whatever happens. u need me? ill be there in a sec. u need someone to talk to? im here. you may not have noticed but every moement, every glance, every touch, every word meant the world to me. i valued everything as my most prized posession. but i was wrong. you were never mine. it was only my heart that was yours. still is. breaking, breaking, breaking. nothing in the world can cure the cracks that u formed in my heart. i may look like i dont care anymore, but i do. its the little things. its the bacon and eggs u make urself each morning. its the always being truthful when none of ur 'friends' is around. its the always being concerned about something butnot ever showing it. its the being the kindest and most joyful person on earth but not around school. its the having the kindest eyes. softest smile. loveliest laugh. what else is there? everything, your love for your family. your hiding of secrets that make u u only to appear 'cooler' to others. its the knowing that they talk bad about u but not letting it get to u. its the being german. its our dads working for the same company. its the way you treat your girlfriend who treats u like shit. why could younever treat me like that. why could i never treat you like that. what happened joel? what did i do? what would've happened? now what i know is that ur happy, thats all i need rn, for u to be happy. make her happy. make urself happy. just never lose yourself to someone who isnt worth it. you hear me? never. ig thats it. actually no, ik you dont care anymore but hey, i loved you. i really did. it broke me seeing you with them. it broke me seeing you cry and go home when i broke up with u. it broke me to see you adored her but she couldnt care less about u. shes what you are to me. your first real love. i may not be yours, i may never have been, but i were mine, u always will be. take care joel will u? its time for me to say goodbye now. and i will. i already have. the moment i click send ur gone. i like someone else now. i really do and its gotten better and better. i have gotten better and better. yet, you are my first love. now its really time. goodbye.