Unsent Messages

i feel like shit everyday because of you, like seriously hate myself. from what happened i can finally see who i have really been influenced to become. i always cared about you, and still do. i don’t think you understand that the past couple months have been eating away at me. i am never good enough, i don’t want to be. i don’t deserve anyone. i don’t know what to do anymore like i cant even cry. i hate not feeling emotion. i miss how life used to be. i keep watching old videos and looking at pictures but nothing is coming back. i can understand how you are in pain, but think of it from my pov. or you don’t have to it’s fine. i just completely hate myself. like hate, you remind me of that everyday. my family also reflects on that, so does jane. i just wish time could slow down so i could breathe without not wanting to curl up in a ball every 2 mins. sometimes i just play sad music and stair thinking about what i might have put you through, do you think that is ok or fair? i feel like im never going to be free from this like it’s a non stopping cycle with no looking back. i miss jane so much. these past few days thinking about her makes me miss our friendship. i search my name on nights i cant sleep, tonight was one. i look under yellow and read them. i think of everyone directed towards me. i. hate.everything.about.me.