From: ABC
To: ariana
Date: January 2, 2021, 6:35 pm
the whole situation really blew me away; I couldn't understand your friends treating someone so brilliant and bright the same way people in my life we're treating me, so I started feeling guilty. I began second guessing myself because I didn't want to be the one guy who came in and made you change in ways you never meant to, I didn't want to suffocate you with my need to feel important. I just wanted to know I was important in the grand scheme of your cosmos, but I didn't, so I just ran away. I'm sorry for that, I wish I could tell you all that has happened and all that I felt so maybe we could understand that neither of us meant to hurt each other. I know you're going places in life and that makes so fucking happy, baby. I'm sorry I never made you feel like I truly love you. I'm not the person I was when we were back in 2016, but I'll always love the remnants of yellow you embroidered into my heart. I still wish we were together, but I wouldn't have learned so much about myself if I had kept up the fake smiles and the sickeningly unrealistic optimism to distract me from my trauma. I'll grow old with your name on my veins, Susan. I love you yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I love you in every painting ever demolished and every sunrise chased to the edge. don't forget you're worth every bit of life. I'd give it all away just to give you mine.. but I'll take my heart back so you can feel safe without that burden.