From: ABC
To: Mason
Date: November 10, 2020, 1:25 am
I always want to be with you. I’m kind of scared of commitment. I’m afraid I might fuck up. I’ve lied to you about so much. I wish i could come clean. Start new with you, but that can never happen and so I must live with my lies. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be okay if you left and I think I might be but Id always still love you deep down. Sometimes when you tell me you love me it just hurts. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I hate you and I want to leave. But when I look at a picture of you I realize how much I love you. The real you is so much different than the digital you, the one I text all day. Knowing I love the real you is what keeps me pushing. Knowing one day I’ll be by your side, really, is what keeps me going. But I wonder why the tables have turned. Is the universe giving me an opportunity to hurt you back? I don’t want to. But sometimes part of me thinks I should. I know deep down I never want you to feel the way I felt. I need you to love me, I cant live without you. I’m sorry i’m so mean to you sometimes. I’m sorry I’m so horrible. I wish I could be the perfect you deserve.