Unsent Messages

hi. its been a while since we talked. and tbh i miss you so bad. even tho i hate you at the same time. you ruined me so much that i cried myself to sleep every single night. how pathetic i was to actually believe you that you loved me. now all i think of is the time that we were close to each other. i hate to think about it but i somehow have to. i keept on thinking its my fault, even tho i know it isnt. you broke me. its been 4 months already. do you still miss me? because i do. so bad. you were my bestfriend, a soulmate. i thounght i'd never lose you but now? i want to forget about you but i know that someday ill think of these times again. i lost two people in my life that i never wanted to lose and youre one of them. i love you but fuck you. dont talk to me ever again. it doesnt make sense i know. but thats just how i feel. and i cant change it. you have new friends, even a bf. if i could go back to the day we met i would never get out of bed. i felt like shit and i still do. was i not good enough for you? what did i do wrong? it hurts so bad that you basically called me a strager after all we've been throuhg. youre still friends with anne, right? youre like bffs. and it sometimes upsets me that you talk to her. im scared youll do the same things to her that you did to me. dont ever. if you have to at least talk to her about it. dont just disappaer like you did. you never loved me did ya? i was so stupid. i hate to believe i actually thought you werent honest.it says i should write a message to my first love. and even tho youre not one, i still consider you as a big part of my life. you showed me that i have to be careful about befriending woth anyone else. im scared that people i love will do the same things you did to me. when you came back from the hospital i broke. i cried so bad cuz everyone missed you and thought i would be happy about it. i could even write properly. i wish i could end it earlier. i hope you know you did this and i hope you know its your fault. no, not yours. ours. i should've been a better friend to you. in the end maybe its just my fault? or maybe i just overthink stuff to much. i dont know. that would be it for now. we'll see how ill feel in like a year. bye i guess. burn in hell.