Unsent Messages

for as long as i can remember i’ve been interested in you and at first it was simply admiration from afar. you were a year above me, there was no way that you and i could actually have something together. and then the following year came and everything i wanted when i looked at you became a reality. after the party, after my drunken actions, my feelings for you grew even more only to be shut down by your new relationship. and i never resented you or her because i could never be that cruel. so i tried to force myself to forget i ever liked you and looked at you everyday just a little more disappointed at what i wanted so badly but couldn’t have. to this day, i’m unsure of whether or not i love (although i’m like 70% sure i don’t despite what some of my friends say). you were the first guy to show me affection that i’d never experienced before, yet you’re undeniably a questionable person when it comes to morals and actions....like really questionable. whether we talk or not you’ll always have a special place in my heart and mind that i won’t really be able to shake. maybe it’s simply the ideal image of you in my head that i’m so infatuated with, or it’s your presence. somehow, you always come back every few months and it’s temporary satisfaction but i’m just left wanting more from you and i never know if i’ll ever get that. why i’m so attached to you, to this day i’ll never understand, and maybe one day i’ll be able to tell you but for now i’ll say it into the void. i just wish you would’ve given it a chance