Unsent Messages

you'll probably never read this lmao but atleast its a place where i can say whatever i want and you having a small chance of reading it. i love you so much. friend way of course but i dont know if i love you more than that, but i do know but i dont. you see, you're happy and that is all i want for you. im glad we are really close friends and im glad you try to help me even if it means negleting yourself even tho i would never want you to do that because you and i both know that if i can help you to be happy then im happy. i hate the fact you are self-destructing it hurts me so much. just because shes happy doesnt mean that you have to stay like this and i know how hard it is for you to get motivated and i really want to help you but i feel like you arent allowing anyone to do that because your scared of feeling any other way because you're so used to this. i wish you'd stop smoking and drinking but i understand if thats your only way of feeling something or not feeling anything at all but thats temporary but the shit it does to you isnt and just because myself and other people dont like what you're doing to yourself doesnt mean you should blame yourself. it isnt your fault she isnt 100% happy because realistically who is? i never want to loose you ever i just want us to be friends forever even if that means me not saying anything to you about this because i know whats best for our friendship. i cant look at you in the eyes without feeling butterflies and my heart suddenly warming up i feel so safe around you it is unreal. please dont carry other peoples baggage, ever. especially when you havent got rid of your own. i love you so much even if that means you dont but quite frankly i dont care if you dont because i would understand if you didnt.