Unsent Messages

why can’t you just give me a hug when i’m down instead of streaming at me calling me lazy and useless and threaten to send me to a mental hospital. why do you love him more then us. why aren’t I enough. I try so hard to do well in everything just to hope to hear you tell me you’re proud of me. why can’t we talk about them. why do you scream all the time. can you really not find another way of talking to us. I know you miss him. so do I. why do you take you stress from everyone else in the family out on me. what do I do wrong. instead of making snarky comments about me leaving my “cave” for the first time in days, not sleeping and being too fat but then complain when I don’t finish my plate maybe just ask why. why can’t you see that i’m dying inside. why did you do that to me as a kid. why do you fuck with my head like you do. why do you hate us. why can’t you be a real dad. why don’t you love me