Unsent Messages

I have never wanted someone like I want you.
I have never done for another what I have done for you.
I continue to stay with you on your terms because it is the closest I can get to you and it terrifies me to think that one day even that minuscule connection will cease to exist.
In another life, we would end up together, for real.
But, nonetheless, I cry myself to sleep knowing that in this one, we are not meant to be.
I am hopelessly, dangerously, poisonously, infatuated by you, and that is the epitome of my painfully slow demise.
But, you were already aware of this, weren’t you?
Alas, that is what separates us as human beings.
The fact that I would never let myself hurt another the way you hurt me while you watch me crumble, comfortably lounging in the front row.
I would say I hope you change, but if you were to change, I would blame myself for not waiting for you long enough.
You have placed me in a position of self-destruction at the expense of your occasional pleasure.
But then again, which one of us is to blame for my collapse? After all, I allow it to happen.
So, I repeat this cycle of sabotage for another day, cruising through the hours, feeling the strongest physical pain I have felt in my lifetime: the feeling of losing yourself because you love someone else.
So, Matthew, I hope we meet again one day, and I hope I can look into your eyes without that longing feeling shocking my aching body.
So, Matthew, I hope you are just a lesson about what love shouldn’t be.
And Matthew, I hope I find someone who makes me so happy I don’t ever think of you.
And Mathew. I hope you remember me years from now as an amazing girl that could’ve changed your life.
Because, Matthew, you truly did miss out, whether you acknowledge it or not.