Unsent Messages

I would put your name but knowing you you'll find a way of getting this and somehow working out its me .thats why im so hung up on you. you know me better than anyone in this world. I understand how I feel and think. you were my first love. and when I lost you I lost my best friend. it really hurt when you left me and its hard to think ab the fact you dont even care. I sat on a call while you were on a call with our friend and the whole call you were just slagging me off. even tho I had nothing to do with the conversation. idek how to take that man. she's the only person you can talk to ab me because the rest of your friends dont like me so maybe your just using it as an excuse to talk ab me? if im honest I used to do that. I wanted to get you out my head because it hurt me thinking about you. our thing lasted around 2-3 months but they will always be the happiest of my life. I was in a bad place and you brought me up. so I thank you for that. but on the other hand I hate you for putting me in that situation because if we never got together we might still be best mates. that night haunts me. when you cried because you thought I was gonna kms. if it wasnt for you I would have done it. I stayed for you. I wanted to fucking die and I decided to live for your benefit. then you decided to leave for the next best thing. I dont think you understand how that feels and I hope you never have to experience that. I still care so much about you. ive always cared a lot more and ngl I dont care because you mean everything to me. I dont care if im your everything or not you make me happy. thinking ab you, talking to you, flirting with you, meeting you. everything ab you makes me cry because your so perfect and I fucked it. I loved you so much. with my whole heart man. and I still pushed you away. idk what that says ab me but I dont like it. im gonna come see you in the morning. maybe ill talk to you but idk. when I see you in person I dont even know who you are. where's my ***. not her version of you. mine. the one who cared for everyone and just wanted to put a smile on peoples faces. where did you go?I love you so much and always will. bye