Unsent Messages

isabel i miss you. isabel do you remember when you told me i reminded you of cherry blossom pink? isabel it’s been 2 years now. isabel two years ago i started crushing on the cute girl id never spoken to before. isabel you hurt me. isabel you never made me feel pretty. isabel why does it feel like you never even liked me in the first place. isabel you made me warm. isabel we were going to move in together. isabel we have a bucket list. isabel you said we should stay friends but you aren’t even treating me like that. isabel i should’ve known.
i know i said id be fine with not being girlfriends. i know i said i hated pet names too. i know i said i hated codependency like you. i know im needy. i know i lied. but i hate when you call me dramatic. i hate when you tell me im overreacting, i hate when you tell me im “making it a big deal”, i hate when you make me feel stupid.
do you know how shitty it is to hear your close friend and crush of over a year tell you that they don’t think you will last together longer than six months? to be honest i guess this might be true now.
at this point, im glad you broke up with me, im fucking tired of being scared of you being angry at me when i talk to you, just for you to tell me you were never annoyed.
i looked up my name on here belle. a part of me hoped you said something about me.