Unsent Messages

It still hurts to think about him. While I know we will speak again, I feel so wrong. I don't want to, but I do. Would I be selfish to keep it to myself or would I be selfish to tell her what she's involved with. I loved this boy and never saw any bad in him. I now see a disturbing yet eye opening image of him. As someone with a beautiful heart that to chooses to hurt other beautiful hearts. I realize that he is conscious of the effects of his decisions and that he is too smart to not realize the atrocity of hurting others the way he does. While he can be quite charming and misleading for his mind is a complicated realm of beautifully made lies. I believe at times he is so convincing he even believes himself, but I also know his heart knows his lies for what they truly are. My only inquiry is as to how someone who has the ability to be so pure can also be so dark. But that is the mere basis of human nature. There is no good and evil only human. The capability of doing both, of being the pure soul that asks random girls why they weep, to ruining those girls after claiming their hearts. My heart will always remember him. I admit he was my first love. I have learned more about the world and my self because fate brought him to me. And now it has taken him away to teach someone else a lesson necessary to their story. My story remains indebted to him, just as his remains indebted to mine. For even if he took my heart for granted there was a time in which he needed it. I prefer taking all the pain in this world in my heart before wishing it on him for I could not live with the pain that I would've caused. Yet he does. She is the opposite of me. Refreshing. But I pray she doesn't hurt like me. He is the most beautiful lair I have ever met. Lying. I have a deep hatred for lies. But everything that rolled off his tongue made me feel nothing but love. He was the first boy who made me feel important, I cared for him deeply and still do but realize in order to preserve my heart I must watch at a distance and pray that his heart stays as pure and inexplicably beautiful as I left it. I as his heart knows me have ceased to exist. All we are is a memory. Yet I still remember that my person was you, you may not act like it anymore but I know I was yours. A beautiful childhood friendship that taught us both what it meant to have a person you wouldn't mind spending forever with. For in the night we spent hours talking as if we and the moon were the only lights in this world. But the sun came everyday and reminded us that like the sun and moon, we can never be together. For we have learned all we can from one another. So while I may at times miss you, I whole heartedly believe there are two people on this earth waiting for us. Waiting to hear about my best friend, the boy who taught me to love myself and hate myself all at once. The boy who before breaking me, gave me every resource and lesson I would need to put myself back together. I forgive him. In another wold we are beautiful and the serendipity of our story remains miraculously astounding. The end.