Unsent Messages

writing again bc i didnt get it all out the first time. i do miss you but i dont know what i miss more. i dont know if i miss you or the idea i had of you more. regardless i still miss you and i feel like i kind of ruined things, i shouldnt have said anything and just let things flow but i was so caught up by you. i wish you were clear w how you felt instead of leading me on and i think thats what fucked me up the most. the excitement you gave me and then one of the hardest falls. i know you said it had nothing to do with me but i cant help but overthink that i was just being stupid. we had such a good thing going and i feel like i ruined it,, we barely talk anymore. i used to get so excited to see your notifications. I dont regret anything bc at least then i knew and wasnt being lead on any longer. but then again when weve talked since youve made comments sending me mixed signals but ive learned to take them w a grain of salt. maybe im just over reacting to all of this and youd probably find it weird how much this affected me but i really thought i found something special w you. it was too good to be true. in a different world things are perfect. maybe one day or maybe not. what is meant to be will be. i do miss having you as a friend though. i really wish we could be closer again and im hoping things will change in the next year,, i hope we find each other again.
i really do miss you