Unsent Messages

You were the rose that blossomed so beautifully in the night and I know it is sappy but it’s how I felt Every time I saw you. I wanted to admire your beauty and keep you for myself but you wanted to shine by yourself and I accepted it. As much as you pushed me away I still liked you, a lot and I hope you are happy I really do. The way I would go on about you made me so happy because during that time you were my happiness because I had made no effort for anything else. You reminded me of sunsets because I would be tired and my back would be in pain and I could no longer move a step forward and when I least expected, there you were with your smile. And just hearing your laugh I picked myself up even if I was exhausted. Even when my poor self couldn’t stand all I needed was to see you and I would continue marching, for you. I remember every small detail I would do for you even if it was small and you never noticed, or maybe you did, I could’ve been obvious who knows but if I had the choice I would do it all over again. Sure there was some painful moments but they were all worth it, every single ounce of pain was worth it. I still go back to the place we first met, even if I forgot the street and the location in my mind I always go back to it, it was my safe space. It reminds me of the first time I had felt butterflies. not the ones you get when you are nervous around someone who never meant a lot but you just liked them. They were the butterflies that felt odd but you aren’t afraid. You instead invite them in and let it consume every ounce of your heart because it feels like fireworks just set off. It felt like all those sparkles that would happen in movies that everyone talked about. I honestly never knew if I ever was going to get those sparks I thought it was all fantasy and I would just roam this planet and not feel it but then you came into my life. You made me realize so many things I never knew about myself. Even to this day I wouldn’t have found myself if it weren’t for you. All those silly songs I would play when I was alone just imagining you and me dancing in a ball room; it felt like peace. But slowly I started to realize those butterflies never went away. They really did take over my heart and when you left it was so painful I dreaded every moment. Even now I regret not saying goodbye. I regret not looking you in the eyes and instead like a coward walked away. But now it’s been quite a while and now I can still stand on my two feet and I can continue moving without feeling tired anymore. I feel at peace by myself and one day I’ll meet someone else who will give me back the butterflies that flew away with you when you left. But they’ll be new, they will blossom out of their cocoon and I will no longer yearn for those sparks. Because they’ll spark in front of me with them. I’ve always wanted to pluck you out of your spot where you blossomed in the moonlight cause I felt like you were the rose meant for me even if you weren’t deep down. But now I don’t want that, I wish for you to blossom in your spot and I will blossom in my spot. I just wanted to say thank you because now when I’ll meet the flower who is meant for me, I’ll instead help them grow and blossom they will be my moonflower. You taught me pain and how to love and that’s why you meant so much to me and why I loved you. Another thing I would like to add is that whenever I do think of you, I think of the color blue and I don’t know why. Every time I saw you I just thought of the color blue because everything about the color is interesting. On one hand it looks shallow but the deeper the color gets it feels like your are sinking in it and that’s how I felt when I saw your eyes. It felt like you always hid something and every time I looked into your eyes I felt like I was sinking like in a pool of honey. Maybe one day we will cross paths but I think we are better off without each other but when we do- I’ll wait for you at the same bench. And then I’ll be different and I won’t run away and I won’t hide. And every time I will stand there like an idiot, blushing and stumbling on my words as you just softly smile at me. And I will do this every lifetime I’m in. I will go wandering the world no matter how long it takes me just for me to fall in love all over again. Cause it’s always so bittersweet but I wouldn’t want it any other way. And it doesn’t matter how many years, or lifetimes I have to go searching even if you aren’t even on the same planet as me or I have to travel galaxies and search every star, every planet, moons, oceans or mountains just to find you. Even if I wasn’t enough you just meant so much to me and I don’t hate you even if at times I said I did. You just were an experience of a lifetime and what kind an idiot would I be if I didn’t say that’s how much you meant to me. Every time I will fall for you and I’m okay with that. This is a whole mess I know but I just had to let it out and I’m glad I did this.