Unsent Messages

words will never be able to describe the ebb and flow of emotions i feel for you. i've never understood you - and i think that's why i was drawn to you from the beginning. i don't know why i feel such a pull to you, why i'm so obsessed. you're not all that great of a person, yet i find you special. you do and say things i really hate, and you don't give a shit about me, but i can't forget you. there isn't some swoon-worthy moment or story that would give me a reason to feel this way. i've given you so much of me and have gotten next to nothing in return. all i wanted was for you to notice me, and i guess you kind of did, but you never cared about me like i constantly worried about you. i wanted to talk to you, and help you, and have a connection with you. i considered you a friend, but i know it wasn't mutual. i wanted more than just friendship - you would have never given it to me anyways. even now, you're so hot and cold with me and i wear myself out emotionally just trying to understand you. what did i do wrong? why am i not enough for you? why have i never been someone you want? why do you play with me and my emotions? am i just entertainment to you? god i wish i could get over you. it's all i want. maybe i even wish we had never met. then i wouldn't get butterflies in my stomach every time you talk to me, even when you're just saying something stupid or being rude to me. why did you flirt with me? why did you lead me on? was it even flirting, or was i just so desperate for your attention that i made up tension that was never there? i hope you never see this. i don't want you to know how effortlessly you've been breaking my heart over the past four years with every message left on opened, every new fling that wasn't me, every indifferent reply to my hellos in the halls. i need to get over you. i can't go on with you constantly occupying my mind when i've never even passed yours.