Unsent Messages

i hate you. i’ve always been told that those words mean something far beyond my knowledge but i can’t think of another way to express how i feel about you. you make my blood boil and my stomach sick when you text me. my stomach always turned when you messaged me. even before. it was a different kind of sick though. the kind of sick that encapsulates your body and flutters inside your stomach. you made me feel loved. and my god did i pay for such a great feeling. because now i feel the lowest i’ve ever felt in my life. and you started it. i understand you’re young and make mistakes but jesus christ how could you be so stupid? have considerations for other peoples feelings! i thought me of all people would have your sympathy but you treated me ruthlessly and with absolutely no remorse. you made me feel small and unworthy of anybody’s love. and i still do. i struggle finding my self worth and i’ve tried getting validation from other boys but still, i feel gross. you made me feel gross and i hesitate to call you my first love but i guess at one point in time i did love you. but please know that i am so through with you. i’m not one to hate or hold grudges but jesus christ you make it so hard.