Unsent Messages

I was going to show you this at some point, but you never gave me the chance to: Right now, i’m just really confused. On one hand, the absolute last thing I want to do is disrespect your freedom and opinions or pressure you into anything. I want to be (and really am) understanding of the fact that you need independence, time and distance etc. whatever it is, which is why I haven’t spoken up and try to stay cold. In fact, I work the exact same way and have similar morals. At the same time though, I feel like (although I’m not sure) that you’re shying away because of stupid things that really don’t apply to me, because you don’t know me well enough. Then again I have absolutely no idea as to how you feel, what you think or want etc. which makes it impossible to judge what the right thing to do is. I want to tell you I have caught feelings for you and sometimes I get the feeling you think the same, but then I convince myself that I’m wrong because I don’t want to get myself hurt by believing false illusions. That gets me spiraling into constantly thinking you could find so much better, questioning whether I’m being annoying, how much you’re even interested, whether I’m just one of many etc etc. It’s quite draining, really. I just don’t know what to do, because as I already cautioned, the constant uncertainty really is getting to me so I want to put an ultimatum on it to have peace, but I know you don’t work like that. Im also extremely scared of being hurt, ending up alone or the past repeating itself so it’s really weird and daunting. I just don’t know, I guess.