Unsent Messages

i miss the good times we had. we only really lasted a month and a half but i was in love with you for five. maybe i still am, idk. you made me feel like the best person alive in the time we were together and all i want is to have that happiness back. the only thing keeping me from sending this to you is the way it all ended. you were so cold that night. first you say you want to take a break. i express that i dont want to but you mention how the feeling of not texting me enough gives you anxiety - which isnt my fault but i understand - so i gave in, wanting the best for you. calling it a break gave me so much hope. that night we ended the conversation by saying "i love you" and i think that just broke me even more. then we casually snapped over the next few days until i felt like you were avoiding me so i asked you about it. the very next message i got from you was "sorry i just dont like you." wtf?? like seriously, who does that? you were my first gf, first real relationship, and my first kiss. like you cant just bluntly say it like that and expect me not to get upset. you were my best friend and i loved you. i wouldve done anything for you. then to top it all off, a few days later you said you didnt owe me an apology and just wanted to make sure we didnt have any "beef." are you kidding me? i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but now im honestly glad that happened because now i know how fucking heartless you are. im trying to just be happy we were together at one point at all and just try and forget how we ended because you being a girl and you being my first kiss is kind of a big deal to me. now any time i post anything about loving myself, your online friends screenshot it to send to you. who tf does that? and i know that if you end up finding this, you wont read to the end or at least wont text me about it because, just like when i sent you a paragraph the night we broke up, you dont want to read or respond to "fucking essays."