Unsent Messages

It's the night before finals and I really shouldn't be doing this now but I'd like to get it out before this week. You're not my first love, but you're possibly the longest. It took me ages to even figure out that it could be love, even though I already knew I liked you on and off for a few years. After I fell for you, I don't think my life was really the same. Sure there were people I was infatuated with, but my heart always came back to you. I know this is cliche but no one's understood me the way you do. You always knew what to say to make me feel better and whenever I was going though a rough time, you were there. Your intelligence, empathy, and loyalty won my heart. Quoting pride & prejudice here bc it's cute af, "I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun". I guess that also implies an end, maybe. I think I've mostly moved on, especially after I told you about my feelings and you, not in so many words, told me you didn't feel the same. It was expected, I wasn't expecting you to reciprocate, but it still hurt. Especially when you told me you found validation from guys on tinder. It's stupid, but it made me feel like my literal confession of love didn't mean anything to you. Like my feelings didn't have any significance to you, someone who I viewed as my best friend for a long time. When you went to college, I deliberately pulled away a little, hoping it would lessen that stupid ache in my chest, and it did. I think I'm finally getting closer to the end of whatever it is I feel for you. I'm not going to chase after you anymore but if by chance you see this before 2020 is over, I want you to know that if you asked me to be more than a friend or a best friend, I may or may not jog a little. If you want to know if this is you, here's a hint: you got me a very sweet keychain for Christmas 2019, and it's probably one of the greatest gifts I've ever gotten. If you read this and don't respond the way you'd think I want (since you truly know me better than ik myself sometimes), don't let me know that you've found this. I'm a bottom and this anonymous site is the closest I'll ever get to a brazen confession. Plus, if this doesn't go well, I'm not sure if I'll have the balls to face you.