Unsent Messages

kinda deadass fucking mad at u, literally im nothing but nice to u and im always there for u and constantly reminding u that i am and u dont even say thank you back, like i get it u get in these stupid moods and u say "its just me being me" and i try to understand that and be kind, but all i fucking want back from u is the same thing, if i seem upset just ask me whats wrong or a simple "i hope u feel better" literally anything. im too fucking nice to you for everything youve ever done to me, u hurt me, u still do, lied to me abt loving me and led me on, and i told u "its okay" when u ig apologized. ur horrible to me lol and idk why but im still not fully over u, like we hung out for the first time in like 3 and a half months last week and i enjoyed it sm, but im so fucking mad at u, and myself for how horrible u are to me and how nice i am despite the horrible things u do to me. then u complain to me abt these stupid, blonde basic ass girls who treat u like shit, and u whine and cry to me, abt it, its so fucking annoying because u take advantage of me because u know despite our past im always gonna be that person whos there for u, and that person whos gonna listen to u. i mean like, come on evan seriously??? ive never done anything in your life to even allow u, or give u a reason to treat me like this. im just trying to be your friend nad youre always so mean to me and i dont deserve it. yet ofc im not gonna be friends with you, because somehow, for some reason, i dont want to lose u, and ur the only person i enjoy talking to? i hate facetime, but not when it comes to you, hate video games, unless its with you, i hate listening to long videos of people talking or long convos, unless theyre with you. youre somehow the only person i genuinely enjoy talking to and i hate it sm, like idek if i still have feelings for u, i dont think i do, but a chunk of my heart is still in love with you waiting for u to tell me u want me back. because even tho u make me hurt, and make me sad, angry, jealous, all of those things, you still make me extremely happy. but i still kinda hate u lmao, also hate u for talking to one of my friends and then ending things w her now ur talking again as "friends" but today u facetimed her instead of me when u asked me to earlier, and u played video games with her even tho u asked me too. so fuck u for making me think things, and fuck you for hurting me, fuck you for making me still love you. and also fuck, ***na, *a*dy, and you. fuck. you. but i also love you and want you to love me back and realize that im the one whos always going to be there for u, always going to care, always going to love you. fuck you.