you're not my first love, but i had to say something. tomorrow is your birthday, and i really wish i could be there with you. the past 30 days have felt like a lifetime. i am so in love with you. and the sad thing is, i can physically see you fading away. they say the first few weeks are the best, and they were. and maybe i did something wrong because i always seem to mess things up, but i don't wanna lose you. you mean everything to me. i can't usually explain how i'm feeling, but i know exactly how i feel about you. and i wanna say this now, before i go any further because it's the most important. the feeling of wanting to die is inside me all the time. but when i talk to you, it goes away. you say i can talk to you about anything, but you can't really bring up that in a conversation. i'm sorry for telling you i'm fine. the truth is, i'm not. and i don't i'll ever be. but you make me so happy and if you are planning on leaving, please do it soon, because i can feel you slipping away and i don't wanna be shocked when you do finally leave. i was so confused when you picked me out of the 7 billion other people in this worl and i don't think i'll ever know, but one thing i do know, is that i've fallen. hard. and i don't think i'll ever get back up.