hey I know I shouldn't be sending this but fuck ittttt it's no secret I'm not over you. my dad always jokes that I always want what I cant have. and I completely agree with that statement. I should be over you by now. and I knew the minute after I hung up our first video call that it was gonna hurt. I've been dealing with bullshit since then.I'm sorry I'm texting you I'm not in a clear headspace. and maybe typing this out will make me feel better. idk you and the group brought me back to life. it felt like me and you just clicked. and maybe you didnt feel it.I can manifest all I want but it will always be unrequited. and your not coming back. but I cant sit and here and deny that the past few months changed my life. and I've accepted that this thing I have for you isnt going away anytime soon. no matter the distance between us apparently.
even tho it hurts that I'm not close to you and the group anymore. I have no regrets I pushed yall away because I was hurting and I always deal with that alone. I knew I was gonna lose you but I didnt know it would hurt me this much. dont you get I still love you okay! like so goddamn much. I have always loved you from the very first video call that we had. and I'm always gonna love you. dont you get it that's why not having the group hurts. Cause that was the only way we talked. Raya you mean the fucking world to me. you might not even have any like kindness left for me and that's okay. I really hope Robin is the one. You two seem great together. I had really hope that idk maybe nevermind that's stupid. your probably never gonna see this. and that's okay I just needed to get that out there.