this is a safe space to say things i didn’t get the chance to say when we were together. 9 months apart is a long time. i’ve changed a lot. i’m sorry things didn’t work out between us. i really did love you, but we’re on two completely different paths. moving on is hard. it sucks tbh. i hate to admit this, but i look for you in everyone i try talking to. it’s never the same. for some stupid reason, i can’t move on. isn’t that what i wanted? quite frankly i still don’t know what i want. i’ve become more myself. had time to reflect on who i was as a person and who i wanted to be. i’m trying to get help, so i can turn my toxic traits into something good. i wanted to change while we were together, but you honestly brought out the worst in me. time apart was good. it’s what i needed to realize that who i was with you, wasn’t who i wanted to be. i was always angry, mean, blew up when i shouldn’t have. i turned into everything i feared growing up. that’s not someone you deserve. you shouldn’t have had to sit there and deal with my emotional outbursts. even though you also had your flaws, you deserve the world. granted, you were kinda an ass at time, but you had good qualities. you never let me go hungry at lunch. you’d always make sure i ate and had water. you made sure i was taking care of myself, and i’ll never forget that. you have amazing qualities, but you’re also flawed just like everyone else. granted, it’s what makes you, you. this probably all sounds jumbled and stupid. it’s really early and i have zero comprehension of what i’m saying. anyways, a little part of me hopes this isn’t how we end. only time shall tell, or whatever they say in those cheesy romance movies.

i hope you’re doing well,
i love you.